So my best friend watched it before me and her summary sparked my interest immediately:
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| Clickable: http://uproxx.com/gammasquad/2014/05/the-amazing-spider-man-2-vs-batman-robin-which-is-worse/ |
So this weekend I finally rented it and sat down for a treat, and got to chat with another good friend about it as I was watching...
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And the answer to that is no, these characters can't be normal or flawed or remotely relatable. In the scene discussed above, Peter's parents are basically taking a private jet to flee the country after saving the world with their science information or something, but then a villain beats them up and crashes the plane, thus killing them.
Then back to modern-day, Spider-Man is engaging in a car chase where he's trying to recover some science-y looking tubes, and he exchanges shitty lines with a villain bearing a forehead tattoo.
Stay tuned for more on this guy....
As Spider-Man chases forehead tattoo guy, Gwen Stacy is preparing to give their graduation speech (because she's super smart and the valedictorian). Her speech starts off talking about how they're all feeling invincible, but shit changes.
Later on, Gwen and Spider-Man break up because he feels like a dick for breaking his oath to her dying father. (In case you don't remember, that oath was to not date Gwen because Spider-Man's work is dangerous and she could get killed.)
Spider-Man also lies a lot to Aunt May and gets into weird arguments about laundry and personal hygiene because he's really bad at pulling off this double-life as a superhero thing.
Some more shit happens, like brooding and being a super hero and more brooding. I start to realize how awful the music is.
And then more shit happens, mostly involving Jamie Fox as a creepy nerd who works at Oscorp and starts to fantasize about being BFFs with Spider-Man. And then...
... Jamie Fox gets electrocuted in a tank of eels at work, thus turning him into a crazy dude who can manipulate electricity.
Meanwhile, Spider-Man and Gwen meet up to try and be friends, but then he accidentally reveals that he's been a fucking creep who followed her around:
So then they break up for realsies. Spider-Man stays super depressed and decides to try and figure out what happened to his parents to make himself feel better.
Along the way, he meets up with the lovely and talented Dane DeHaan as Harry Osborn (aka the only redeeming thing about this movie).
They rekindle a long-lost bromance and all is well. Except that Dane's dad died and he is also dying. He efficiently recaps the last movie for us:
And then he reveals that he wants Spider-Man's blood because he thinks it's like unicorn blood in Harry Potter that will save his life, but Spider-Man doesn't want to give it to him.
Dane basically says, "Fuck you" and then some other shit happens and eventually he decides to team up with Jamie Fox. Meanwhile, Spider-Man is figuring out his roots.
And that's all you really need to know about Spider-Man's dad's hidden super cave in the subway.
The dynamic duo of Dane and Jamie eventually figure out that there is a hidden place with the Spider-Man serum, and Dane takes it and turns into the Green Goblin. Oops.
Eventually, Jamie goes off on his own to kill Spider-Man and shit gets real. And remember that earlier comment about the music? It got even better. As they're fighting, Jamie Fox's electro powers start playing music to match the soundtrack. And Spider-Man breaks the fourth wall to acknowledge it.
As they fight/play EDM, the power keeps going off and coming back. Continuity errors abound.
Back at Spider-Man's fight scene, Gwen pops up and won't go the fuck away because she thinks she can basically do what she did in the last movie again, which is to help save the day with her big science brain. That goes well.
And surprise surprise, they manage to bring her graduation speech back into the fold again, just to really drive that point home.
Spider-Man is sad for a few minutes, but then decides he can't be a pussy anymore and he should get back to fighting crime. And remember that comment about the tattoo forehead guy? He's back, breaking into banks in a robot suit.
And that's basically it.
